Monday, December 18, 2006

confessions of a "church professional"

I know that confession is not a popular thing in our culture. I've never been one of the popular kids, so oh well.
I have some confessions to make.

Hi, my name is Teri, and I have what we like to call "boundary issues."
I have difficulty keeping time for myself. I have difficulty keeping Sabbath, in spite of the fact that I have no difficulty being Sabbath-police for my friends.
I have difficulty saying no, especially to things I really would like to do, things I feel I ought to be able to do, or to people I like (or want to like me).
I feel some guilt about trying to keep time-boundaries because I don't have a family to "attend to" and most of the other people here do. It's like I have no excuse to not work a bajillion hours a week and do everything and be what everyone wants. (This is how I think, okay?)
I am what would be called a "workaholic" in most other jobs but in this vocation is praised as "dedicated."

I know that this is dangerous. I know this leads to burnout. I know, intellectually, all the things that can happen if I am like this. I also know that I like things to be done well, I like to get things done, and that I LOVE what I am doing. And I knew about the hours when I got into it.
What I don't know is how long it will take (or what buttons will have to be pushed) for me to set those boundaries and keep them in a healthy way. Because I need to do that, and soon.

but for now, all I can do is confess. Lord, have mercy.

(ps/edit/clarification: my issue is not taking a whole day off. I do that pretty well by scheduling time with friends in the city on Fridays. My larger issue is day-to-day hours. I don't go in until 10 (I am not a morning person, so I go to the gym in the morning, then head to church) and a lot of people don't really understand that--so I tend to work later and later in an effort to justify that timing of my day. Except, of course, that leaves me with 10-12-14 hour days 5-6 days a week. But Friday, man--no work happens. I go to the Art Institute.)

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