civilized

Tonight I had dinner with a friend/colleague at an adorable little place on the adorable little square in Woodstock. It's a charming store front with careful architectural details dating back a century--a chocolatier (bean to bar) in front, and a bar/cafe at the back. Along the side are comfy chairs and a fake fireplace. At the back is an old-style bar, all shiny dark wood. They make delicious inventive cocktails and small plates combining flavors you would never expect (just like their chocolate does too).

It was a lovely dinner and great conversation ranging from sheep to church to travel to hobbies to luxurious experiences to books and back again.

And when we left, it was snowing onto the trees and brick streets and sidewalks lined with iron railings, with the old-school street lights giving off a warm glow, and the bank's readerboard said it was -76 degrees (hahahahah). As I brushed the snow off my car, classical music played over hidden speakers throughout the whole square. That's right--even at 8pm on a Monday night, when nearly no one is around, still they are playing Mozart in the town square.

As I drove home I thought about how very civilized the whole evening had been--from the music to the food and everything in between. It's the same feeling that makes me love The Thomas Jefferson Hour--because the theme music makes me feel so civilized and intellectual and normal. Which I realize could also be translated as "elite." But I think that's one of the things I like about both these experiences--that the civilized feel is accessible to everyone. The classical music is playing in the square. The podcast is free. The architecture is there for everyone to admire. The menu may not be accessible to many (it's one of those places where they make everything and use as much local stuff as possible, and that's not cheap but it is good for my neighbors and community and economy) but even just reading over the menu and its imaginative contents is an exercise in expanding the mind.

It so often feels like our culture is spinning out of control toward demagoguery and incivility. People are mean to each other on the internet and in person. It's almost impossible to be a woman online and not receive harassment or even death threats. Our politicians shout at each other and demean one another's person, not just disagree with their ideas. Our popular culture is full of violence. Our education system leans on tests rather than on education, cutting everything that can't be standardized.  (aside: watch this. Then do something to make sure every kid has a chance to connect their brains like this. it'll make the world a better place in so many different ways.)

And into the middle of that: Mozart was playing in the town square as snowflakes floated into the glowing light. Reminding me of who we really are, or at least who I want to be.







**yes, I realize that the way I'm using the word "civilized" is loaded with racial and cultural bias. I keep trying to find another word to encompass what I mean and I don't have one yet. 

hot and cold, new and old...

This year I have spent an inordinate amount of money on my house. In the past 12 months I have needed (due to breaking or danger): a new washer & dryer, a new water heater, a new furnace/air conditioner, and new floors. It's a little out of control.

Of course, now basically my entire house is new and beautiful. My floor is amazing and I still, 9 months after it was installed, walk in every day and sigh with happiness (and relief). My water heater is not leaking and is in no danger of flooding my downstairs neighbor. My washer actually runs a whole cycle without me having to advance it myself, and it has different temperatures of water, and it doesn't leak from some mysterious place underneath! The dryer dries clothes without burning them. And I can control the temperature in my house via an app on my phone (the fancy thermostat comes "free" with a new furnace/ac unit)...and turning the heat on will not lead to CO poisoning.

All a win, if not for the checkbook.

In addition to those new things, I also got something so lovely yesterday. I opened a package from my grandma, which I anticipated held a bunch of recipes. It did...and also a super soft and warm and adorable fleece blanket with a kitten pattern. It has made me so happy for the last 24 hours.

And now, apparently, I'm done with that. Time to turn up the heat and look for a scarf, because the decidedly not-new cats have claimed the blanket, and the old blanket, and basically the whole couch.

This is my life.

Monastery Day, attempt the first

Jan, when she was a parish pastor, used to make a regular practice of "Monastery Days"--days when she was outside her usual workspaces, reading and praying and studying and people-watching. I think she often had her Monastery Days at a Starbucks in a neighboring town.

I have decided that I need something like this if I'm ever going to think a thought all the way through. I have lots of days when I work from home, or from the Starbucks at the train station, or in my office...and all of those are good. But there's something about going elsewhere to read and think and pray that somehow makes things more clear.

So a friend/colleague and I agreed to try these, on the first Monday of each month. We wouldn't do it together, exactly--but we'd do it at the same time on the same day, to hold each other accountable to actually doing it.

Naturally, this first month we were to try it, I had a complication. Namely, that I'm supposed to be facilitating an adult education class on Monday nights. oops. (lol...you would think I would have learned to use a calendar by now!)
So I moved to Tuesday.

Tuesday was bright and sunny, with blue skies to offset the remaining brightly colored leaves as well as the stark empty oak branches. It was a gorgeous day to walk and sit and read and eat and ponder by a lake...so I went to Lake Geneva. The good ol' LG never lets me down (except that one time when Kilwin's was out of my favorite flavor of ice cream...omg).

In the long tradition of solvitur ambulando (it is solved by walking), I rambled along the lakefront path, looking at light playing on water, shadows of fish, enormous houses, changing leaves, and remnants of bygone days. I prayed and thought and spent some time clearing my mind while my body was moving. It was gorgeous.

The only not gorgeous part is that my right knee hurts like you would not believe.*

So my Monastery Day was interrupted, if you can call it that, by a trip to the doctor's office. I'd gotten a call in the morning that if I was willing to drive to Rockford, I could get in that day (filling a cancellation)...otherwise I would wait two weeks. I'm glad I went because I would really prefer to be walking and running without constantly thinking about how my knee hurts. I need that time to empty out and think about other stuff!

While I was walking, I decided to try to pay very close attention to details. This is usually not my strong suit, so I think it's a good practice for me to try for the next month. This is a time of year when things change rapidly, and it's easy to miss the little things.

I don't know that I solved anything while walking yesterday, except for some of the clutter in my mind and heart. I replaced that with beauty, at least for today.

the only piece left...

just a little lakefront cottage...with matching playhouse

the path

this may be one of my favorite photos ever. There's just something about it...

*really, you wouldn't believe it. My pain tolerance is *very* low, so it's entirely likely that if it was your knee, you wouldn't even feel it, while I am over here acting like I'm dying. I swear, it hurts a LOT. For me.

How Long, O Lord?

I am not sure what to write on a night when our legal system has declared that a teenager's death doesn't warrant a trial.

I am not sure what to write on a night when my Facebook and Twitter feeds are filled with friends who fear for their own safety, and their children's safety, every time they leave the house.

I am not sure what to write on a night when snow is falling and people are gathered to pray and to rage and to exercise their first amendment rights, only to be met by riot gear and water canons and tear gas.

I am not sure what to write on a night when good hardworking professional people see their work, identity, and calling being denigrated by those who use their power to hurt rather than protect, and by those who lump all people in uniform together without seeing the irony there.

I am not sure what to write on a night when I came home to this news, straight from a church book group where we talked about a character who says "we can't choose our hearts...we can't choose what we want and don't want...we can't escape who we are" and how that sounds and awful lot like Paul in Romans 7 saying "I can't do the good that I want to do; instead I do the evil that I don't want to do." But at least both Theo and Paul recognize that what they do is not good, and that they are captive to something greater than they are. (I especially don't want to write about this tonight because an argument about the theological concept of Free Will is beyond my emotional capabilities today.)

When I don't know what to say, I usually turn to quoting something else. In my mind today is the scripture for this Sunday, since I've had to get everything ready today (as opposed to some weeks when I don't finish until Thursday morning...or, you know, Saturday night). It sums up my wordlessness pretty well.

Not to mention that, honestly, occasionally there is a time to keep silence. In mourning, in vigil, in solidarity with those whose voices will never be heard, as an act of protest against a system that thinks it can mask its shortcomings with long speeches. I am silent as I let the voice of the prophets cry out across the centuries. Then tomorrow I will again take up the echo of their voices, whispering and shouting and praying for the kingdom of God to come on earth as it is in heaven.

Habakkuk 1.1-4
Lord, how long shall I cry for help,
and you will not listen?
Or cry to you ‘Violence!’
and you will not save?
Why do you make me see wrongdoing
and look at trouble?
Destruction and violence are before me;
strife and contention arise.
So the law becomes slack
and justice never prevails.
The wicked surround the righteous—
therefore judgment comes forth perverted.
How long, O Lord?

Friday Things

(yes, I'm backdating this because I didn't get home until after 1am! crazy nightlife of a pastor...)

Things of Friday:

reading
naps
snuggly cats
oil change
pet store impulse buy (on clearance!)
eating leftovers
chocolate and wine with friends
talking until late late late into the night
waiting for the bed to pre-heat so I can get in it without shivering (still haven't turned on the furnace)
looking up where exactly tomorrow's Presbytery meeting is so I don't wake up a minute too soon

That pretty much sums up my day off this week. Hope yours was also restful and fun.

the heater challenge

Every year I challenge myself not to turn on the heat until at least Halloween. If I can make it, I try for Thanksgiving.
This year it got cold very early, but I soldiered on with blankets and sweatshirts. It warmed up again, which was lovely--we had a little taste of Indian Summer. Now it's chilly again, with nights of frost. It's November 2 and I haven't had the heat on yet, though I do have the heated mattress pad on the bed. I have debated turning on the furnace, but now it feels like some kind of test. Some people run marathons, I see how long I can go without the heat on.

Bonus of not having the heat running: the cats want to snuggle more. They aren't cold (as evidenced by the fact that they are both sprawled out on the living room floor right now), but they do seem a little more motivated to sit on my feet, curl up on my lap, and wiggle under the covers at night. It's like a little happiness in the midst of the reality that Winter Is Coming.

So, if anyone else out there is still doing the no-heater challenge (because you have a seriously warped sense of self, environment, money, and perfectionism, like I do), here are a few tips:

1. have pets that like to snuggle.
2. have lots of blankets at the ready.
3. keep slippers next to any hard-floored rooms. For instance, mine are at the entrance to the kitchen. Because the barefoot transition from carpet to kitchen floor is the fastest way to send me back to bed in the morning.
4. get someone to gift you a rice bag. (or, you know, make one yourself.)
5. heated mattress pad. It's the best thing about winter. Maybe the only good thing, actually.
6. You'll need a touch of stubborn insanity.
7. Make sure the heater works in your car. You'll need it for the drive to work. ;-)
8. Take up baking. Or at least cooking that requires you to stand near the hot stove. Bonus: deliciousness.
9. Snuggies look stupid but are amazing. You want one, trust me.
10. stock up on herbal/fruit teas, so you can stay warm at night without the caffeine burst. This is my current favorite.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go crawl into my pre-heated bed, and see how many more days until the furnace is absolutely necessary. :-)

Kittylimpics

It's so cold that I don't have much to say…I just huddle under blankets and try not to think about how there are at least two more months of winter to go. Books, the interwebz, and Downton Abbey are my only consolation…when I'm not at work, or driving to or from work, of course. (In the office I turn the heat up, jog in place at my standing desk, and try to ignore the mess I've made all over the other flat surfaces of the office over the past several months.)

The Olympics have begun on the other side of the globe, but here in my house (where we won't be watching, because we don't have TV and NBC still doesn't have them streaming, because they obviously hate me) the kitties still think they're in training mode. There's lots of talking (in the form of meows, purrs, yowls, and a sound I can only describe as "thrumming"). There's racing around the house at top speed, sometimes several laps--occasionally one at a time, but more often in a chase. There's jumping. There's hiding. There are combination events.

But at the end of the day, they don't want a medal, they just want…

a box.

So cozy, so perfect. Works every time.

a train adventure!

I've been playing Ticket To Ride with some friends lately. It's super-fun. It doesn't quite indulge my travel bug, but it does indulge my board game bug. :)

This weekend I'm taking a real-live Ticket to Ride adventure, hopping on an Amtrak train to St. Louis for the wedding of a dear friend. I'm excited about the opportunity to spend that 6 hours reading or napping rather than driving and desperately trying to stay awake. I'm also excited that the cost of a round trip train ticket is awfully close to the cost of one tank of gas (and I'd surely need a few to get there and back, even in my awesomely fuel-efficient car).

I haven't taken Amtrak before. I've had a couple of Greyhound Adventures in my life. I've had ScotRail adventures and EurRail adventures and more than enough EgyptRail adventures to last me a good long while. I'm still waiting for the day we wise up to the wonders of high speed rail in this country--I should be able to train to St. Louis faster than I could drive...but I'll take the same length of time in this case. For longer distances though...seriously? It should not take 3 days to go up the coast. It just shouldn't.

So, anyway, I'm away on a train adventure. I hope it's as exciting as the game! Though I also hope I win (aka get there safely and in a timely manner) more often than I win at Ticket To Ride. So far I'm 0-5 on TTR, while my lovely friend Laura complains through the whole game about how terrible her hand is but she wins basically every time, by double digits. I'm hoping that this particular train adventure will not be the cause of any whining, by me or by others. :-)

liberty

I can't go anywhere without seeing a car with one of these magnets on the bumper:

They started appearing about a year ago, and it turns out they were mailed out by the local Roman Catholic archdiocese to several thousand people in our area. Which explains why when I try to talk about them to people who don't live here, they have no idea what I'm talking about.

The trouble is, I look at that and even *I*, who can see the magnet, have a hard time understanding what they're talking about.

I mean, the whole point of religious liberty is that the statue of liberty doesn't stand for only one religious tradition. So why does she have a cross?

How come there aren't symbols for several different religions along those stripes?
...

...

...

...

...

Oh...right...because you don't actually mean religious liberty--you mean that we all conform to YOUR religion.

Newsflash: that has nothing to do with religion or liberty. That's only about imposing your way on the whole country, which is explicitly the opposite of the Constitution's guarantee of freedom of religion.

In other words, if this same image, but with a crescent instead of a cross, were plastered on 10,000 cars in northern Illinois, there would be screaming about infringement of our right to religious freedom. But if it has a cross, somehow that's okay?

Also, seriously? There is NOT a war on Christianity in this country. You know how I can tell? The Stock Market was closed for Good Friday. Seriously. Not for Passover, not for the prophet's birthday...for Good Friday. And people get off work for Good Friday. Including Congress, who go home for Holy Week and Easter week. There are some school districts that are still giving kids off Easter Monday. That's not even an actual holiday.

Looks to me like our religious liberty as Christians is alive and well. I'm concerned about the religious liberty of some of my neighbors and friends, though.

I am so tired of the level of cognitive dissonance with which human beings seem able to live. How do we not see the inconsistency of something like this? It's an untenable paradox, right there on the bumper of your car.

Pretty sure I'm going to need to find a way to send out 10,000 of this one instead. I mean, really.

blessed

This is my pantry.
Even when I think I have nothing to eat and I'm starving, the reality is quite the opposite. I mean, how much more opposite could it be? I'm blessed to have a packed pantry and the skill to turn it into something delicious. Since scripture says we are blessed to be a blessing, that probably means I should cook for more than just me, more often!

5th Sunday in Lent photo a day

surround

St. Patrick's Day is a big deal in Chicagoland. A BIG deal. Basically because it's an excuse to drink a lot, starting very early in the morning. People flood downtown for the parade, to see the river dyed bright green, and to drink at every pseudo-Irish pub in the city. And the suburbs. I wish I'd gotten a picture of the mob trying to get on the train at every stop.

I hopped down to Palatine and joined some PCOP members for the parade and lunch. During lunch, the room was surrounded by a bagpipe band. That's right, a whole band of pipers and a few drummers proceeded to play several pieces in this little room while we snacked on such Irish classics as fried cheese curds and french fries.

obviously, we were sitting on the perimeter of the room, so could see only half the band's faces and the backs of the other half.

Day 28 of lent photo-a-day.

ate, happy

I took a picture yesterday, but it wasn't what I really wanted...because I was too tired to spend the time making dinner last night. DST kicked my behind. So today you get a photo that illustrates both yesterday's and today's words. I ate this, and it is a happy thing.

this vegan tater tot casserole is nearly 500 calories per serving, but every one of them is worth it. So much delicious.

it does have actual vegetables in it--I used some I froze last year: broccoli, peppers, onions, etc--and a homemade potato corn chowder as the base. Just add meatless ground and tater tots, bake and...voila. yum.

(confession: I ate more after taking this picture.)

4th Sunday and Day 23 of the Lent photo-a-day challenge, all in one photo...

"no"...
...is what you should say to yourself when the question is "should I, wearing dark clothes, ride a bike with no lights or reflective stickers at night?"

Because the answer to the question "do you see the cyclist in this situation?" will almost always be "no" until really close to too late:

Seriously: just say no to riding unmarked bikes at night while wearing dark clothes.

Bonus: he wasn't wearing a helmet either.

no. just...no.

Day 20 of Lent photo a day: halfway there!

shadow

okay, for the first (hopefully only) time this Lent, I'm going to use a photo I took at another time, rather than one I took today. My day was full of shadows, but none photographable. The shadows cast by candles in a sanctuary, by people walking a labyrinth, by bad behavior (whose shadows are always longer than good behavior--what is that about?), by doubt and by hope.

But today's photo is a reminder that though I may live in a frozen tundra, under feet and feet of snow, it's not so everywhere and won't always be so here...

Day 19 of Lent photo a day

lift

you probably need a lift to get to the top of the snow mountain I lifted out of the driveway this evening. And having done that, I don't need to lift weights tonight. :-)

for perspective you can see my car at the end there...

Day 12 of Lent photo-a-day

return

I was in the city today to meet other clergy new (or new-ish) to the Presbytery. I came home on the rush hour express train, when many return to their places of rest at the end of each day.

I often have mixed feelings about this time of day. Because I love the city so much, it feels like "returning" when I go in the morning...and yet at the end of the day I also like to go home to my kitties and my quiet neighborhood. The city is both home and not home for me right now. Weird. (of course, if I had the opportunity and the means, I'd most likely move down there in a heartbeat. then I would return to the suburbs to see friends and get kale and other such things...so it's a multi-faceted return!)

(of course, about 10 minutes after I left the Presbytery office it occurred to me that I should have taken a picture of THAT--because I am returning to my first Presbytery....d'oh!)

Return: Day 2 of the Lent photo-a-day challenge.

big news...

This letter was sent to members and friends of RCLPC this week...

October 30, 2012

Dear Friends,

Six years ago you and God called me to serve as one of your pastors. I came with joy and excitement about the work God called me here to do with you and this journey we would travel together. During these years we have we worshipped, worked, played, and learned together. We have seen God at work. It has been an exciting six years with many highs and lows, loves and losses: we have served God and our neighbors, we have built community, we have shared our lives. Now it is time for God to do a new thing, and so with many mixed emotions I write to tell you that I have accepted a call to serve as Pastor/Head of Staff at the Presbyterian Church of Palatine.

Our youth and children’s ministries are in capable hands with fantastic volunteers, though they may need more help from you in coming weeks and months as they transition to a new model of leadership. The Youth Vision Team will be asking for your input and help as they seek a sustainable and intergenerational approach to congregational youth ministry. And of course our worship, fellowship, and mission ministries will go on as strong as ever, thanks to a good pastor, faithful staff and incredible volunteers. I am so lucky (and yes, that’s the word, in addition to blessed, grateful, privileged, happy!) to have served with so many wonderful people here. I know they will continue to lead you into the wonderful future to which God is calling RCLPC.

My last Sunday with you will be December 16th. This will give us time to plan the transition, to say goodbyes, to celebrate all we have done together. After that time, our pastoral relationship will end (and you’ll hear more about what that means as the time nears), though I will of course hold you all in my heart and in my prayers, and hope you will do the same for me.

I am grateful for the time God has given us together. For so many reasons, you will always hold a special place in my heart! You have provided opportunities for growth and learning beyond measure. I am confident that God is not done with either of us, and the new thing God is doing is sure to be as awesome as the past. May our ears and hearts be open to hear and follow that call. It has been a privilege to be among you as pastor, friend, and colleague. Thank you for six great years!

peace
Teri

Birthday Buddies: T-4 days

When I was in elementary school, we listened (and sang along) to a lot of what would later be called "Classic Rock" at home. But occasionally I'd hear something else--whether at home or at school I'm not sure, but at some point I heard plain-old Classical music...and it was awesome. When the time came to think about joining the band, I was all over it--and my instrument was chosen for me (because the daughter of a friend of my grandma's had a clarinet and would sell it to us for $60--so I played the clarinet). It wasn't long before I was super into the whole Classical music thing. When I was 11 I told my mom that I wanted to be a professional clarinet player, and there wasn't much looking back. I took lessons, I listened to recordings, and sometimes I even practiced. I had dreams of playing in a major orchestra.

One of the authors of that dream is someone with whom I share a birthday and who would be 100 this year: Georg Solti (1912), longtime conductor of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. He coaxed such beauty and mystery and passion and wonder out of a group of people holding apparently inanimate objects...it's like a miracle every time you go to a concert or even hear their CDs. He liked to experiment, to broaden the horizons of both musicians and audience. He insisted on being absolutely-together, an excellence of ensemble that continues today. He took the orchestra on its first ever tour outside the United States. That orchestra wins Grammys for a reason, and Solti is a huge part of their history, reality, and legacy. The Chicago Symphony Orchestra was my goal for a long long time, and going to DePaul to study with people who play in the CSO was such a part of my dream that I didn't even apply to other schools. While concert-clarinetist wasn't my ultimate path, following it to Chicago was a huge part of leading me where I am now. And I do still love the CSO! And I love the ethos of Solti--excellence, ensemble, experiment.

Thank you for the music, birthday buddy!

Birthday Buddies: T-5 days

This weekend (on the eve of my birthday, in fact) the High School youth group is having an 80s lock-in. I've been putting together a youtube playlist of music videos of the 80s, and now that I have that finished (or as finished as it's going to get), here's a little tidbit I found in doing that--I share a birthday with Lee Loughnane (1946)!

Who is Lee Loughnane (pronounced Lock-nane), you ask?

Why, he's one of the original members of the band Chicago!!

I love Chicago. The city, of course, I loved the band long before I ever set foot in the city. They were regulars for sing-along music in the car and kitchen when I was growing up (and one of the things I've discovered on my 80s music playlist search is that Chicago and Styx are just about the only even remotely kid-appropriate music to come out of the 80s...holy cow there's some crazy stuff we used to just sing along to without paying any attention!!). I still have some of their greatest hits in rotation in my iTunes. When I went to college I went to the same school of music as several members of Chicago, including trumpeter Lee (though a few decades later, and not on purpose--that was just a perk!), and whenever the band was in town, the Dean of the music school would receive a couple of VIP/backstage passes...and he often shared them with me, because he knew I was a fan. That's right, I've been backstage at a Chicago concert, and one of my passes is still on my bulletin board. If only I had known then that Lee was my birthday buddy--think of the things we could have chatted about. :-)

Happy almost-birthday, Lee.

angry birds on the bus

I got on the bus and took a seat, though I was only going about 2 miles. It got a little more crowded, and then a little less. In between, a mom and three young boys got on. Youngest was in the midst of a mini-tantrum--the kind that involves squawks and shouts and maybe a little bit of flailing. (I won't comment on whether the crowd level changed due to the boy's noise level, though I will leave you to imagine the body language of people getting up and moving or getting off.) Mom was clearly struggling, and there was something about the tone of the boy's cries that made me wonder if he's also developmentally delayed or has other challenges we can't always see from the outside.

A man, who had been conversing with a friend about various things, and whose accent things he'd been discussing gave us to understand that he came from (and was returning to) a less advantaged south-side neighborhood, looked at the boy and said, "do you want to play angry birds?" as he held out his iPhone.

Mom was a little petrified--"please, no--I may not be able to get him to give it back to you."

The man insisted it would be okay, and handed the phone over to the little boy, who immediately started swiping his fingers across the screen--not sure how to play the game, but immediately absorbed in the task and its images.

I was absorbed in the image too...I almost missed my stop, it was so beautiful to watch this man try to soothe a distressed little boy, and to see the friendship made there, even if it might be for only a few miles.