thinking

back when he actually worked, Richard used to say that the difficulty with being a pastor and also trying to be a scholar is that ministry in the church doesn't give you any time to think deep thoughts--you just get started thinking about something and then something comes up and you have to move on.

Come to think of it, he might have actually said that as one of the reasons he decided not to work anymore and go back and do the whole school thing (which is its own kind of work, blah blah blah).

Anyway, at the time I believe I thought something like "really? hmm. I need to think about tha....at confirmation class lesson..."

Yeah.

Well, it's official. I believe.

I have not been able to form more than one sentence worth of thought in months. I keep thinking "oh, I'll have to think about that later"...or "blog about that later" or "write that down later" or "look that up later" and then I move on to the voicemail/email/visit/phone/meeting/planning/preaching/whatever. And none of those thoughts ever get thought out, written down, researched, or anything. I have hundreds of half-thoughts swirling in my head and they are driving me insane. And, I think, they are hurting my ability to be a pastor. Because I'm annoyed by all these thought-gnats AND I can't focus on just one of them at a time WHICH MEANS there are all kinds of ideas that never come to fruition because I can't get past one sentence in my head before I have to move on.

I need a month just to think all these things. Then maybe I can get back to work. Maybe.

Since I don't have a month...I'll take a week on a cruise ship in the Bahamas, where you'll find me by the pool thinking with friends, colleagues, matriarchs, and some kind of drink that comes with an umbrella. That must count for four weeks sitting on my couch, right?

(hey, I never said I was an *introverted* thinker like Richard, just that I want to think! Extroverts think out loud!)