Monday, April 10, 2006

a lot going on

not in the traditional oh-crap-it's-already-holy-week-where-did-lent-go kind of way, but actually in the living-in-Egypt kind of way.

In fact, this is probably the first and last Lent/Holy Week/Easter I have had as a Christian/will have in my life in which I am not insanely busy and wondering where the time went and if we can pull it all off and if the vacation that starts on Easter Monday will ever arrive.

Instead, there is just a lot going on. Lots of nasty men. Lots of stress involved in going outside the school walls. Lots of noise. Lots of traffic. A holiday today (the Prophet's birthday) which means no school but also nothing open. A lot of wondering what to do as the year progresses, what my job will be when school lets out, whether maybe i want to leave egypt early because the stress of being a woman and being harassed/abused every day on the street is maybe not worth it. a lot of struggling with my knowledge and feeling and commitment that non-violence is right but that a violent reaction is not only the first thing that now comes to me in the street but also seems to be the only thing that shames a man into not doing it again (at least for a little while). a lot of watching as my boyfriend gets more and more angry inside because all these things are happening and he's powerless to do anything...and the people with the ability/power to help choose not to do anything. a lot of wondering whether i'll have good things to say about Egypt when I leave. a lot of wondering whether maybe I'm becoming one of those "exclusive truth" Christians. a lot of wondering where the support network is here.

There's a lot going on.

(And, of course, there is a lot of church stuff too....tenebrae on wednesday, dinner on thursday, good friday morning, lunch with other missionaries, workshop in the evening, church on saturday, singing in the choir at a church on sunday, maybe having a dinner out on sunday, family arriving monday...i would like to think that all the internal stuff will be finished soon so i can focus on cleaning my flat before my dad gets here!!)

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