hello October

I simultaneously love and hate October.

First: October is my birthday. (that's right, not just one day, but the whole month!) I heart birthdays.
Second: The weather in October is kind of awesome. It can be warm or it can be crisp, it's often clear and sunny, and it is not humid. The colors of October are bright and wonderful and change every day. I love it.
Third: my mom died in October. The last time I ever spoke to her was on my birthday (the actual date of my 25th birthday, in fact).
Fourth: my ordination anniversary is in October...on the anniversary of my mom's death. yes, that was on purpose.

So...yeah. October has lots of ups and downs for me. It's a little like a rollercoaster, only without most of the fun (I love coasters, just like my mom did). There is a part of me that so loves the month that I would happily live in October forever, and there is a part of me that can't wait for it to be over. I'm not sure which part has the upper hand most of the time. So rather than trying to figure it out, or predict the swing, or whatever I normally do, I'm trying this year to just pay attention. It's beautiful outside this year...maybe it is every year, but I haven't always noticed. It's a little less beautiful inside, but maybe by the end of the month I'll have paid enough attention to change that too.

hello, October. Nice to see you again.