I want this day to be like all the other days, but it isn't.
I want this day to be like all the other Mother's Days, but it isn't.
I want to be able to write blog posts like this without tears, but I can't.
I want to be able to pray for those who find this day difficult without tears, but I can't.
I want to plant tomato plants for my mom today, but I can't.
I want to call and wish her a happy mother's day, but I can't.
There are many more things I want, but I won't get them. Not "this side of eternity" anyway.
I want to be able to tell people how hurtful it is when they assume that everyone loves Mother's Day. But somehow do it without raining on their happy mother's day parade.
I want to feel like I normally do when leading worship rather than like I'm floating and don't really want to be there, like I did today. And we didn't even sing any songs that trigger mom-ness...
I want to not get a thousand and one emails about how my mom needs the latest gadget, flowers, books, gift cards, clothes, e-cards, etc...she doesn't. not anymore.
I want to talk to my mom. I want to tell her that I love her and miss her.
Instead I will go set up for confirmation class. I will listen as my 20 confirmands are examined by the session and received into a new family. We will talk again about what it means to be members of a church. We'll go through the service for next week so there won't be any surprises. And then I'll go home, tired. And tomorrow "everything will be back to normal." as if.
Happy Mother's Day, mom. I love you. I hope you are having a good day.