Monday, January 14, 2008


I continue to be amazed and irritated at how much my body physically responds to tension, anxiety, stress, and exhaustion. I don't know how I can possibly be carrying the level of anxiety I feel in my muscles right now--what is there to be tense about?

Oh, right...we sang Amazing Grace in church today. Youth Sunday is fast approaching (three weeks) and I don't feel that we're prepared. I'm going out of town next week and have to have a sub for confirmation class. It's almost tax time. I'm traveling and need someone to look in on my kitties. I haven't had real time off since Thanksgiving and before that since summer.

But seriously, I think Amazing Grace is what put me over the edge, from mostly coping to feeling it. I got home tonight at about 7 and promptly went to sleep until 10, but now I can feel the tension in my stomach and back and I can't sleep. I clearly need to be at the gym, but I think I'm having a relapse of my cold from last week.

Can I just irritates me that I know it's coming, I know the effect it has on me, I feel prepared, and still one little song can do so much damage to my physical well-being just because of its emotional impact? And that irritation, primarily with myself and my subconscious, adds to my tension.

Okay, I'm going to try going back to bed.

Right after I say that I finished A Light in the Window and am moving on to book three--These High Green Hills. More on Mitford another day, though...


  1. so i'm curious what about amazing grace makes you so crazy. i hope you are finding rest.

  2. Ah, our emotional intelligence at work.....telling us things in ways we don't expect, triggered by hymns, songs esp. those of us for whom music is important. I resonate with your words/feelings.

  3. Funny, I sang Amazing Grace today, and yesterday, and every day this week - as it is part of our MLK Jr. show. And the Mitford books are perfect for your current state of malaise, since they demand little but leave a feeling of peace.

    I will think of you tomorrow as I sing it again.

  4. uh-oh ... I am feeling like a huge jerk, due to my comments about the song.

    (((Teri))), I had no idea.